THAT'S SOME SPICY MAYO

from C​.​R​.​I​.​N​.​G​.​E. by bhyper

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[TRANSCRIPTION UNAVAILABLE]

So
The other day I was making some lunch
Got meat, got bread, now we're ready to munch
But when I took a bite, everything seemed real dry
If you know me, I'm not that kind of guy, so

I opened up the refrigerator door
Searching up and down for that little something more
When it appeared in the middle of my view
The mayonnaise that I had bought brand new

I squirted it onto the sandwich
But I got a little bit of it on my hand, which I licked, but--

HOLD UP!
Something's not right
Mouth burning, and though it's slight
If my taste buds could speak, they'd scream with all their might, cause
I can't eat that mayo, I'm white!

That's some spicy mayonnaise
That's some spicy mayonnaise
That's some spicy mayonnaise
That's some spicy mayonnaise

Okay
So maybe I should
Consider my choices for my own good
I throw out the sandwich, go back to the table
This time I will read the back of the label

Now I'm in the backyard at my grill
With a sirloin steak in hand that's been chilled
Place the meat slab on the roaring flame
Salt and pepper's the name of the game!

Now the steak's done, grill smoke in my lungs
Cut it with my knife and put it on my tongue, and--

HOLD UP!
My muscles snap tight
I thought maybe this time I had done it right
But the second I put that pepper near my face
I had forgotten to consider my race!

That's some spicy peppercorns
That's some spicy peppercorns
That's some spicy peppercorns
That's some spicy peppercorns

Now, my tongue is swollen and scarred
All but destroyed, my taste buds slaughtered
I go to take a drink from my water

That's some spicy Poland Spring
That's some spicy Poland Spring
That's some spicy Poland Spring
That's some spicy Poland Spring

Too damn spicy for these lips
Pale and dry like jerky strips
I am Caucasian, excuse my dissuasion
To consume this mayo which caused me abrasion
This food is too spicy, the hospital's pricey
I'm gonna go to bed before it gets dicey

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from C​.​R​.​I​.​N​.​G​.​E., released April 17, 2020

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